This Just In…

Posted on Jul 15, 2011


Local Vancouver theatre company, Gas Heart Theatre, came under fire once again this week, this time from the high-profile playwright whose script they are producing. Tristan Tzara, author of The Gas Heart, which is being produced by the company of the same name as part of this summer’s Neanderthal Arts Festival, is attempting to distance himself from the project.
“It’s outrageous!”, said 115 year old Tzara, “I’ve seen some shit in my time but this is the bottom of the pile.” First they steal the title of my play for their fourth-rate theatre company”, said Tzara, foaming at the mouth with rage, “Then they have the gall to produce some kind of smug, free association mess that uses, no, depends on the very constructs I was trying to dismantle. Did they even read my manifesto?! Can these hacks even read?! And where the f*** is Vancouver anyway?!”. However, Tzara, one of the most prolific members of the Dadaist movement, isn’t opposed to interpretation, “I guess I wouldn’t mind if it was actually, you know, funny. Or entertaining. But it’s not. I watched it after snorting an entire eight ball. And I still fell asleep. Twice!”
Tzara did emphasize that he doesn’t harbor any ill will against the Neanderthal Arts Festival. “I can’t blame them for this kind of hipster-centric bullshit programming. Those tight jean wearing, ironic loving little bitches have huge trust funds. Why not tap into that cash?”. He is also looking forward to some of the shows that are part of Neanderthal. “I’m putting my money on Chairs: A Parable,” said Tzara , “ITSAZOO Productions is the shit. I love shows in parks. And Chairs is gonna be boss!”
When asked for comment, Gas Heart Artistic Director James Foy simply stared into space for several minutes and then began sobbing uncontrollably. Mr. Foy’s moustache later commented “F*** Tristan Tzara. And f*** you too”.
Chairs: A Parable runs as a part of the Neanderthal Festival from July 22-31. For ticket info check out The Cultch Website

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